Intro:
I called it finding your voice, though its about me finding my own voice.
However, (despite appearances), you and I are much the same, and thus my little musing may awaken something that is already inside of you…that little voice who is either asleep or trying to find a way to express itself.
Fear of…
I will say that as a species, humans must have been bred with Fear.
“Oh, but Im not afraid”, you may say, “I can speak my voice just fine, thank you!”
Its a lot deeper than that.
Many people can “speak their voice” in the face of opposition when its coming from the pre-conditioning they have received from their given milieu.
Infact, Fear is a word which points a lot further than what we initially give it credit for. Fear actually rules the best part of our lives.
From social, business life – to our home and personal lives where no one but us know what thoughts/worries torment us.
Evolution of a species
I suppose its a part of evolution, as it were, of mankind to go through.
Fear is no respecter of race, gender, or religion.
Those that evolve survive…those that don’t, help feed the slave farm.
(Well they are the slaves.)
Our milieus have such an impact on us that we cannot even begin to fathom the extent of “who we are” is no more than a bundle of collective thoughts shoved down our throats…even if its very gently.
Many people will travel through this life and only be a carbon copy of some ‘cheap’ identity that their local milieu has adjusted to them.
Believing in a system that doesn’t work, and going on thinking that all there is to life is to “work & die”.
Now does this even make sense? We spend 70+ years on this planet to be a slave to school indoctrination which leads to a slave job at some workplace…even if it comes with a mercedes as a leash…then to just die off. – Come on, give me a break.
Random
This blog post is random, at least in how many different areas Im trying to subtly touch upon – But, the key to evolving past your milieu, (which leads to much fear driving prejudiced attitudes, etc.), is to “seek with all your heart” as Jesus put it. (In other words…open your minds!
Open your mind means accepting you don’t have the answers to everything, nor do you need to have the answers.
This is a key to finding “your voice”.
Finding my voice
I was raised in a ’strict’ Evangelical, Christian, Zionist, milieu.
You might as well say I was saved at birth. (I know, fundamentalist having a fit at that…lighten up.)
My entire life was sincerely about the walking the spiritual path.
I even was a missionary overseas so was my zeal for the cause, as it were.
The difference…I truly wanted answers – not just rituals, or something to pacify me.
“If Im wrong, I want to change”
You will NOT find such a sincere statement from anyone deep into any belief system.
As sincere as I was, I was sure I was right none-the-less.
But I thank God that when the time come, I was truly open.
Out of the comfort zone
Searching with your whole heart means just that.
You have to search out of the confines of your dogma, and think for yourself…not relying on some authority figure to do your homework for you. This is a good way for them to lead you “down paths you do not want to travel”.
I searched all of Christianity for the one thing that united them all.
(Well, I say one, as with all the division, I was wondering what was left to join the different denominations.)
From Mennonite, to Charismatic, to Catholicism…the ONLY thing I found they agreed across the board…so it seemed…was that Jesus was love.
Where is the love?
This is the question I was asking.
The one thing they agree on, and non of them show it…they all are so divided on theology and their lives are so hectic and not worth the pain they inflict on themselves. – if that is Christianity, then who needs it?
People have enough trouble as it is already.
Thomas Merton was one of the first people to ‘wake’ me up in getting me to think outside of the boundaries drawn by fundamental Christianity.
He talked and was friends with Buddhist!
The unthinkable!
And the irony in this – a Christian actually acting like a Christian.
Most Christians, though they don’t even realize it, have a boundary set up between you and them…keeps them safe. They ‘know’ (think they do) who they are, and ‘know’ who you are. (Isn’t this a nice little safe world? Please don’t bust this bubble! lol)
Anyway, from studying Merton & Henri Nouwen (and Im not Catholic by the way) to reaching into the depths of Judaism…to see what started it all. (Oh, with a pit stop at Orthodox Christianity along the way.)
Outside of this, readings of some out of the box stuff like Crowley, (though not much as I find his material a bit of a bore to read…not that my stuff is any better.) And reading material from Buddhist monks and Zen material.
Whoa!!! Hold the horses!
“Aleister Crowley?”, you ask. What does that have to do with your spiritual journey? Hey, reading and searching about beliefs in general to see what light is in all is what its about…and yes, even in the darkness there is light. (the left hand is connected to the right hand, no matter how vigorously they wave at each other in opposition.)
Change…change I can believe in
It was with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle I kind of sat down and finally resonated with. It all made sense…and each time listening was on a deeper level.
Layers of old conditioning being taken off and replaced by ‘truth’.
No dogma, nothing to get between me and ‘God’ as it were.
It was like all of my years of study of the Bible finally made sense.
(And I mean in a life applicable way.)
Im no longer a O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.)
No pills needed. (I will say, that I resonated with what Eckhart said, but that does not mean what he says will work the same with others – everyone has to find their own road, so to speak. What works for one, will not necessarily work for another, as words are pointers…and depending on where we are at, we will take those pointers differently.)
Not who I used to be – overcoming fear – finding your voice
The hardest part was the transition year.
It was about a year of transition.
After a lifetime of search, at one point the ‘god’ I had built up literally was ready to come crashing down.
This is why people do NOT change until they are ready – its built into us for our own mental safety.
I sat there and watched as this ‘false idol’ (God of the Bible, how ‘it’ was taught to me anyway) came crashing down to pieces.
In this time period I felt like I was no longer a Christian…and was a bit confused as how to communicate.
Idol crashing down
After a lifetime of zeal which is unsurpassed, what do you do?
All this knowledge and its built upon a lie? How do you communicate?
Where do you belong? That bold voice not able to cry out – that which was his ally would now potentially view him as an enemy.
After some time, and continual soul searching, it dawned on me…what I now believe, is what Jesus was all about. Its not contradictory to him at all, or even Paul for that matter. (Especially the more you understand about Judaism…at least from a Chassidic perspective.)
Infact, if you had a label, I could say that I was finally ‘born again.’
Better yet, ‘baptized’. I had gone through the water…drowned the ego…and made it to the other side reborn.
My actions, thoughts, were now becoming more consistent with what I used to preach in my ‘old life’, though they would appear on surface as potentially heretical…depending on how things were worded. (As people so attach themselves to words that they easily misunderstand whats being said if its not using their ‘lingo’.)
Lingo
This was the issue.
Now that I was free – how could I communicate to those that I knew ‘had the truth’, but ‘didn’t have it’. (they were dancing around it, but the life just didn’t show the real thing.)
Like Paul said, (paraphrase) “to a greek be a greek, jew a jew, etc., so you may win a few.”
Its true, I know the Christian lingo, and I try to speak on a level where they wont reject the truth, but actually open up more to understanding what truth they already have.
But initially it was strange…because in the same token, my style is more ‘free’ and I like to flow with where Im am at, at the time. (i.e, I want to tell the world about what I found…and it wasn’t something hiding in Christianized words…)
Clarify
Ill have to clarify what Im talking about, as its not just about lingo.
Remember I said the only thing I found amongst organized Christianity is that ‘Jesus is love’ and even then I didn’t really see that in practice. (At one point I saw a faint glimpse of it – which later would be over shadowed by the dogma that ties most people down.)
Well, this is the point – As I said, the Bible took on a new light – everything I ever knew, made clear and more pristine sense…but its not popular with organized religion…if it was, then people would be free and it would not be ‘organized’ anymore. (i.e., used to manipulate people.)
Moving on
So that was part of the dilemma – getting past all the bad doctrine that is leading a majority of ‘Christians’. If you stray far from how they were taught, (note: I did not say from what the Bible teaches…but from what they were told it teaches), you have to be careful. (Sheep rebel…even if they are following a different shepherd than they think they believe.)
So I was faced with, it seemed:
1) Trying to talk within a strict fence – and this is hard, as each denomination has so many ‘no pass’ signs that is meant to keep each other out…that the truth can almost have no chance to enter. (Though as I said, even in darkness shines the light)
2) Forget Christians and just talk in general to who would listen about “the good news!” a.k.a. – “the gospel”. But do you hear that? It sounds ‘Christianized’. (After a lifetime in Christianity what do you expect?)
So then I realized, I am going to have to face my fear.
Many Christians may view me as an ‘outsider’, and may question if I know anything about the Bible…(having not known me). A blow to an ego that spent a lifetime in the ’service of “God”‘, as it were…but it is as it is.
What I would do is speak how I can…using the words that I know, and the allegories to go along.
So when I talk, I talk to all…who will listen.
The Christian will have many pointers, though I may appear to loose some credibility, (initially), due to my ‘unorthodox’ nature – and ‘non-Christians’ will have to wade through my ‘Christianized allegories’. (Hopefully it will be more entertaining and enlightening then church.
Drop the fear, and realizing your not alone
In a sense, Im doing no different than Thomas Merton, though he stayed within his milieu to be a light…he was one of the first ‘lights’ to guide me out of religion and labels.
Everyone has their place they are meant to be.
Me…Im out there, I suppose.
Cant say I will ever have influence on any new budding evangelical Christian…nor anyone for that case. – for you see, we each must ‘work out our own salvation for ourselves.’
We spend far to much time trying to solve other peoples lives.
Reminds me of being a parent. You have kids – and then everyone else wants to tell you how to raise them. (From family, who are sincerely trying to help…to governments who don’t understand home-schooling and think that they can relate to your kid better than you can.) – yes, home-schooling a whole subject on its own. (I have kids in school and home-schooled…yes, I have a few kids that I have been blessed with.
)
When its all said and done:
But at the end of the day, its not arguments that win people over.
If you win anyone with an argument, then you are doing what Jesus said, “Making twice the son of hell”. I have talked about that on my blog…look it up, there is some good insight into what that means…on a practical level.
What changes people is the thing that is in you, which is in them, and in everything in creation…life…life of the universe, creator, whatever you want to ‘label it’.
(much to be said here why Jews reject Jesus as God and how both sides are right, and wrong. Hear the duality in here? That is the key to understanding what Im talking about.)
So if you enjoy this…and you feel that something woke up…its not because Im a clever writer – by any means…(though I would always welcome an ego stroke.)
Its because, as God said, “is everywhere”. No one is a sole owner of truth…the truth, by the way, needs no defense…it stands on its own.
Peace
dAlen