Still Attached to Ego {Eckhart & Aikido}

Intro:
As many of you who have been following my post know by now, I am a student of the material presented by Eckhart Tolle.

The material that E.T. (Eckhart Tolle) presents is by no means religious, and that is something that must be clarified up front - why? Because most people are caught up in the cycle of the next thing to believe in…or clinging to an old belief system that just does not work…

About Life:
With these teachings, there is nothing to believe in…its more about living life… practically.
No more theories, ideas, etc. - it reaches to your core (or mine at least…)

This does not mean, however, instant ‘arrival’. And I use that term loosely as there technically isnt anything to arrive to. The main thing you begin to realize and to see clearer is that words are indeed pointers going beyond themselves. All to often we hear a word, think we know its meaning based upon the view that our cultural/religious milieu has placed upon it and then totally ignore what is truly being said.

It happens all the time, and its why no one wins a debate…or if you do, the other side does not go away convinced.

Now moving on.
I apologize but the intro, I felt was necessary as people are at different points in their own walk that read this. I try to speak to as broad an audience as possible, but I still get comments which show that a given point was totally misunderstood.

So, here I am, years into listening to the teachings from Eckhart on the ego.
I have learned to recognize it, and I must admit that being a former O.C.D., which drugs like Prozac didnt even help…to not taking anything and being perfectly fine…I would say I came a long way.

However, why stop?
You see whenever any fear, which shows itself as being envious, hateful, etc. shows up…its a sure sign that your like the parable in the Bible…your the seed who has now sprouted out of the ground…but you need to go beyond being a little seedling.

Im a seedling.
Much like Neo, “there is a difference in knowing the path and walking it”.
I would say that Im taking extreme baby steps with the knowledge that has been given to me by Eckhart.

You know pain is a good way to cause growth…you suffer and you have motivation to change.
My OCD was rough for a period of about 12+ years and finally in my seeking I found the answer. (and it wasnt big pharma). See who needs or wants to rely upon an external source anyway? Beside the fact prozac did not do a thing anyway…except grab money from my parents wallet.

So out of great suffering came an answer and relief.
But then things can slow down, so to speak, and you can get used to living in a certain buzz of discomfort. i.e., complaining.

Complaining is just the ego and is a main outlet for the ego to feed in the majority of people.
I catch myself doing it quite frequently and even justifying it when I do.

Now the key is not to condemn oneself for ‘failure’…you are where you need to be at…now.
The real key is just to see this response in yourself. You would be surprised at how much we do not really know ourselves…we know about ourselves, or at least what we want to know.

Aikido and ego
Aikido is a martial art, (a soft one) that has been extremely spiritual to me in nature.
From the very get go it has challenged every aspect of the ego in me hidden in nooks and cranies that I could other wise over look.

Part of what drives this challenge is the language.
First you have to learn the Japanese terminology…fine.
But, Im learning from Hungarians, and quite frankly, besides asking where the toilet is and if the restaurant is expensive…my Hungarian sucks.

I have to admit after some time I do understand, or catch on to a bit more…but to truly communicate…next to impossible.

Challenge:
Look at me, I blog all the time, I write novels about something that could be said in 2 sentences.
Here I am, helpless as it were, and unable to express myself about issues that arise during lessons.
Not only that, but I get to deal with other peoples strong egos as well, which of course is like gasoline ready to set the remnant of my ego on fire.

Useless to go into details, truth is it is rather silly what kind of challenges I have, but mind you its the petty type of issue such as wanting to be recognized and “be somebody”.
Quite hard to be someone when you cant fake a role and even are misunderstood by other peoples egos who are seeking to either put down or to latch onto an ego bigger than itself.

I do enjoy the art of Aikido, interestingly enough.
Why is this interesting? Well the fact is I like to work alone…for the most part.
Im very selective about who is in my inner circle, and its based on seeing how ’stupid’ the world is.
From Christian to non Christians in the work place, I have seen people talk behind peoples backs just to smile at them in their face like nothing happened.

Superficial:
Same happens here in the Aikido class…why should I be surprised.
It amazes me for one reason or another that people are so superficial.

See, I tend to lay things on the line, and often have been taken the wrong way.
But I say it as I see it and move on. Now as I said, I definitely have my ego, because I want people to understand my point regardless of if they agree or not…of course they will agree if they understand.

Basically what Im saying is common to all of us in one form or another.
But its this sillyness that we tend to either overlook or just live with.

Fear beget:
Fear creates, as mentioned, jealousy, hate, inferiority compelex, worry, etc.
Just as love is the cure, Fear is that which entangles us. And as a former boss of mine once said, “The Bible tells us not to fear…its a command - not a suggestion.” How true indeed.

Love is acceptance of oneself first and foremost, so you can reach out and love others.
How can you love others if you inwardly hate yourself? This is something Im still going at.

I dont love the guys at my Aikido class…I suppose they are just props for my ego to want to use to either stroke myself or run away.

Well I did run away for 5 months. I stopped Aikido for awhile and just started back up.
It had to do with ‘fairness’ and ‘recognition’ or the perceived lack there of.

Some may be amazed at my openness. But in truth Im only saying that which the world experiences, even if its another type of experience.

The root is fear that drags down, as mentioned, and the solution is love.

Conclusion:
So here I am…when I reach out and love it physically does something.
See its not a goody goody feeling. Love is a choice. Remember, love is acceptance.
This is not saying someone is right, but realizing that no one can touch who you are…there opinions, etc. are theres to have. And more than that, thoughts, opinions, and any form is not who we are.

All forms (including thought) are just, how can I say it…part of the script that we read aloud in this play called life.

Or rather, Life dances and we are the dance. (Life is more real than us…our physical forms are just a mere shadow on this stage called life.)

Different ways to look at it, but it all brings home the point.

At the end of the day, I know these things, and its good to remind myself of them…its as Paul said, “Be changed by the renewing of your minds.”

Non judgement:
So thats what I must do…I must continue to watch myself…not judge - in watching I can then reflect on the choices I can then make. When I begin to make conscious choices, I will eventually see this way of life become permanent in me. Same goes with all of us.

I would love to write eloquent blogs that revolutionarized the world…truth is I am just happy I can spit out my thoughts sometimes co-herently. The words come faster than I can type and so many points to connect. But the point for me is that I enjoy to write…so I do.

A side note on Eckhart. I watched him with Oprah and this dude actually lives out what he teaches.
If you listen enough you can watch when and how he responds to things that would typically get at us if it were our ego up there. In fact being in the lime light, so to speak, its amazing he hasnt given into the ego…but this goes to show you can be grounded when you get the truth…the truth will set you free indeed.

This is the stuff that Christians talk about but dont fully grasp. Its the things all religions are made of but they typically get side tracked and dominated by the ego. The very thing they oppose is what possesses them. This indeed is the irony it would seem.

Peace

dAlen